This blog was written on account of Pamela des Barres,
the rock and roll chick writer known to many of us as
'the world's most famous groupie'. Pamela inspired me when
she said to write about 'my first album/a story from childhood',
while I was in her writing class last month...
the rock and roll chick writer known to many of us as
'the world's most famous groupie'. Pamela inspired me when
she said to write about 'my first album/a story from childhood',
while I was in her writing class last month...
I grew up in the Toronto suburb of Mississauga, Ontario,
Canada
but was vacationing in Glace Bay, Nova Scotia, Canada
when I bought my very first album,
with my very own money.
It took hours of whining and annoying the hell out of my
cousin,
but he eventually drove me to the local record shop,
where he waited for me outside.
Beaming with joy,
I came out from the store with my very own brand new copy
of
Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy.
It was 1975, I was 12 years old,
and Elton John was my hero.
Back home in Mississauga,
otherwise known as Clarkson,
I stretched out on the rec room floor
and daydreamed all over the album cover,
for hours.
For days, weeks, months even.
It was the perfect album cover to set my imagination on
fire.
Cornflakes and classics.
While the vinyl spun on the family’s hi-fi console,
I remembered making plans to marry Elton John.
Yes, yes I did.
I was 8.
Yes, yes I did.
I was 8.
And I can't remember that
without remembering John the Mailman,
without remembering John the Mailman,
who I also had a crush on.
John the Mailman would take a break from his beat
and sit on the front porch to chat with my mother.
I think he did this with the hope that my older sister
would appear,
who HE had a crush on.
I set up kool-aid stands to win the heart of John the
Mailman.
He would smile down at me
sipping the ice-cold lemonade I handed him without
spilling,
hovering over me, everso intimidatingly.
Sitting there on my little stool behind the sidewalk
table,
I talked non-stop.
In my nervousness,
I told John the Mailman all the wondrous details
of the wedding I would have in England.
For make no mistake,
I would indeed become Mrs Reginald Kenneth Dwight.
Could I have been trying to make John the Mailman jealous?
I don’t rightly remember.
This went on for weeks though.
It was the summer of 1971.
And before it was over,
John the Mailman decided to educate me in homosexuality.
I went quiet while he explained to me that
some boys preferred other boys over little girls.
How Reg Dwight definitely preferred boys over little ol’
me.
I was very quiet,
and then I grew very angry.
“What do you mean
Elton John wouldn’t want to marry me?!
No, I don’t believe it!
You’re a liar!!”
I got up from the kool-aid stand
and rushed off to the sanctuary of my pre-teen bedroom.
As I lay on my bed staring up with tear-filled eyes
at walls papered with Teen and Tiger Beat magazine covers,
I was heartbroken.
How could this be?
It couldn’t be true!
Five years later, when the tears subsidedI made plans to marry Eric Faulkner.
Surely the tartan-clad guitar god from The Bay City
Rollers
would marry me.
Yes, he'd marry me and take me away to Scotland!
Forget Middlesex, England,
Edinburgh, Scotland it would be!
These are the days, the beginnings,
of my desire to get as far away from my hometown as possible.
When I got old enough to start having sex,of my desire to get as far away from my hometown as possible.
I would deny any and all of this.
Every last detail.
Especially when my older brothers would tease me
in front of my new boyfriend,
telling him my first concert was The Bay City Rollers
and how I went out dressed in plaid from head
to toe.
Ugh.
It was true of course,
but I had just finished telling my new boyfriend
that my favourite band was Rush!
Rush, dammit, RUSH!
Boys like Rush.
But the truth is,
Rush was my second concert.
And now, today, I find myself wondering...
how many other rock and roll chicks
got educated in
homosexuality by their mailman?
As for Elton John,
I don’t think I will ever forgive him
for preferring a boy over me.
But I still listen to
Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy,
Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy,
regularly.
In 2005,
Sir Elton did indeed marry a boy...
a boy from Scarborough!
Scarborough!!
That's another Ontario suburb
on the east end of Toronto,
opposite the one called Mississauga,
a mere thirty-five minutes away.
a mere thirty-five minutes away.
Oh my god,
to think how close I came!
For more info on Pamela des Barres writing classes...
http://pameladesbarres.net/
For more info on Pamela des Barres writing classes...
http://pameladesbarres.net/
